Voices of the murdered. The war diary of Kateryna Savenko from Mariupol

Day One: February 24, 2022, Thursday

The morning was completely normal. Nothing indicated the impending disaster. It was hard getting up for work. Then it all started! At the shift meeting, we were told to stay in one location. Strange. Then they let the women leave work, I don’t remember when.. around 9:00 AM. My coworker began to slip into depression, slowly but surely turning into hysteria. I walk home calmly.  Seeing a huge line at the ATM and that panic started, but not for me. Of course, I had to stand in line just in case  the money ran out. But I'm not panicking. People are sweeping goods off the shelves in stores, armfuls of sausages, water, carrying bread in bags! “Madness”! I think, and laugh. It was stupid panic. We had already experienced this in 2014. Now I am ashamed of these words and thoughts.

A call from the boss. We were not to go to work until further notice. "Katya, take care of yourself," he said last on the phone. It worried me a bit...

Couldn't we have understood already then?

***

39 days until the end of Katia’s life.

33 days until the end of her husband Vitaly’s life.

***

Day Two: February 25, 2022, Friday

My daughter and I decided to go to the store. Transport around the city was free. Maybe we could withdraw some cash? It was impossible to pay with a card in our stores. In ATB, the shelves were half-empty. Only canned and dairy products were left. In “Shchyrom kum” store  the prices had skyrocketed. I started to go crazy. But I bought something.

Vitalik was at work, on the first shift.

38 days until the end of Katia’s life.

32 days until the end of her husband Vitaly’s life.

***

Day Three: February 26, Saturday

The sound of gunfire is becoming more frequent.

Vitalik has fallen ill, with a fever of 38.4°C. I urge him not to go to his night shift, but he goes. He returns five minutes later; the factory is on a standby. The management instructed everyone not to come to work. I still don’t understand what’s happening, yet I’m convinced this will all end soon.

***

Day Four: February 27, Sunday

We are worried about food and money, though we have reserves at home. Vitalik and I decide to scout out the area towards gate 8 on foot. No public transport is available. The shops on Levchenko are open. "Shchedraya Lavka" is closed. And it's the same further on. ATMs are empty. On Pokryshkina, nothing works except for one pharmacy and a bakery, where there are queues. We see a few people rushing about the avenue, mainly searching for cash at ATMs, and so we return home empty-handed.

On the way back, a tank sped past us, the noise was deafening. We went into "Polyus," with some cash we had. We bought crackers with raisins and waffles.

The siren started. I’ve never been so frightened before. Vitalik walks calmly, I run. My heart is burning. At home is Nadya (daughter). When I reached the apartment, she wasn't there. She was in the basement with the animals.

***

Day Five: February 28, Monday

It’s Vitalik’s birthday. Shooting starts early in the morning. We celebrated! Had fried potatoes for breakfast.

Each day is getting worse. But we have electricity and water, while other areas don’t. My mother has been without electricity since Thursday. Neighbors are helping her. She charges her phone at their place. We call each other, and she’s coping.

Today we sleep "between contractions." When I went to the maternity hospital to give birth to Nadya, the doctor, a sleepy plump woman, said, "Sleep between contractions." I don’t even remember her face, but the phrase became iconic. That’s how we sleep now, between the explosions

36 days until the end of Katia’s life.

31 days until the end of her husband Vitaly’s life.

***

Day Six: March 1, Tuesday

Spring! The restaurant for March 8th was booked :))) And nothing foreshadows trouble.  Is there really so little space for us all on this earth?!?! Why is it like this? Thank you, you scum (refers to Putin), for one thing: you have united us like never before!

Honestly, I don’t remember much of this day until the evening. The bombings were almost constant. Neighbors came over. At three in the morning, I went back to the apartment - I couldn’t take it anymore. I want to sleep in a bed. The three of us sleep in Nadya’s room, along with the dog and three cats. The apartment is freezing, the heating was turned off on the first day.

***

Day Seven: March 2, Wednesday

The shelling continues all day long. We are incredibly tired. Vitalik is giving up. Nadya (daughter) is holding up well. We’re gradually moving into the bargaining stage; it’s about time. The denial phase was probably very prolonged. It feels like today is not the seventh day of this hell, but the thousandth! And it's the same for everyone. At 19:47, Vitalik began to smile. That makes me happy. He is very weak. I brought “The Master and Margarita.” Alexey and I read it aloud, taking turns. My throat is dry…

33 days until the end of Katia’s life.

27 days until the end of Vitalik's lifehusband Vitalik’s life.

***

Day Eight: March 3, 2022, Thursday

Yesterday was still "paradise". Each day is worse than the last. Terrifying! Very! It's impossible to comprehend what is happening.

No connection. Vodafone is barely working, but only outside. But it’s scary to go out. I only managed to contact my sister. By a miracle. In the morning, we spoke normally, but the second time, the connection was cut off. My sister is crying. In their city (Nikopol), it’s still okay, only sirens wailing. No contact with mom for two days. We don’t know who is alive. We don’t know anything... The city is completely cut off.

Today they turned off electricity and water. Gas is still available. My daughter and I wanted to go to the market to buy some long-lasting food products, cigarettes. Vitalik  and Lesha are staying in the kitchen, not planning to come with us. This annoys me.

Lord! How fortunate we are that we didn't wander far from home! Olya screams from the entrance: "Don’t go anywhere!". Whistling overhead! Noise! Something fell nearby. Explosion. Scary. We ran home. My heart is pounding. Very scary!

We are sitting in the basement all together. Neighbors Olya and Vadik, Lesha, and us. Yura, a neighbor from the street, comes by. He really likes to wander the streets, the oddball. Uncle Sasha from the second floor doesn’t come down. Olya from the second floor is probably at her mother’s in a private house. Haven’t seen her once. Occasionally, we go up to the apartment to heat water for tea or use the toilet.

The scariest thing is that we are in complete incomprehension of what’s happening. With each day, with each explosion, all the organs inside the body shake like in a shaker, more and more intensely.

I am photographing our cats for history. I hope, no - I believe that this will end, and I will make a collage about it.

We affixed religious icons to the door.

Today it snows. Falling from the sky in such huge white flakes. Slowly, slowly. Like a fairy tale. We placed buckets at the entrance for snow. There will be water in case of an emergency.

I'll try to contact my sister again.

32 days until the end of Katia’s life.

26 days until the end of her husband Vitaly’s life.

***

Day Nine: March 4, 2022, Friday

The stores on Levchenko have been looted. Apparently, the lower strata of society smashed the windows, and then the chaos ensued… People cleared out all the food (well, that's okay) and anything else they could grab. Grocery stores, "Everything from Five," "Photo Studio," the fishing store, "Dnipro M," among others, were plundered. The guys went to see. My only request was not to take anything unless it was absolutely necessary. But they still brought back all sorts of junk. There’s no need to stoop so low!

Olya and I went to the courtyard where the bomb shelter is. Managed to get a pack of cigarettes. The police brought a whole box.

We have food. But what to do when the refrigerator defrosts?

I have contact with my sister. It's a miracle! All information comes through her. The only regions untouched are Dnipropetrovsk, Poltava, and the Western regions. My friends from Moscow are losing their minds. They write such letters to her on Facebook that it's hard to believe sane people can think this way. She maintains contact with her sister Natasha from Zaporizhzhya region, and with Nadya, a neighbor who by chance was in Kyiv at her son's place. She managed to move to Ivano-Frankivsk. Also, with Ruslan, our friend who, by coincidence, went to Lviv for his honeymoon just before the events, and with Galya, Vitalik's sister, who is also somewhere in the West, while her parents are in Kyiv. Nothing is known about their mother. I'm terrified to go, although I constantly try to convince myself to take the step. I’m scared because of Nadya (daughter)…

Veronika came to visit under gunfire. My little hero!!! I burst into tears, but she’s a tough cookie! Always cheerful, just as always. Nika brought us a bag of groceries. We walked her back. For the first time, I stepped beyond my own courtyard.

***

31 days until the end of Katia’s life.

25 days until the end of her husband Vitaly’s life.

***

Day Ten: March 5, 2022, Saturday

In the morning, I immediately called my sister. She's like a ray of light. For me and for many people.

Standing in the yard with neighbors, and then a huge miracle! I see Dima and Natasha! I've never been so happy to see anyone! They brought food. They said everything was okay with our mother. What a relief… Tried to call my sister, but couldn't get through.

Nika came again. They were planning to leave via the green corridor. But we later learned that they didn’t succeed.

Dima and Natasha left, and through them, I sent a note to my mother with information about Nadya-sister, about the situation, and about her relatives in Enerhodar. They promised to come back in a few days. But in this hellish cauldron, we live by the day, no, probably by the moment.
There are flashes of anger. But I never moved out of the bargaining stage.

30 days until the end of Katia’s life.

24 days until the end of her husband Vitaly’s life.

***

Day Eleven: March 6, 2022, Sunday

The night was very restless. The shooting didn't stop. In the morning, real Armageddon began. The entire city's infrastructure is destroyed, residential buildings are ruined, people have died... Who will be held accountable for all this? 

Veronika (niece) and her mother are trying to leave again.

No communication at all.

Food is being distributed on the streets - humanitarian aid, all meat products that have nowhere to be stored.  Having crossed the stage of anger, I imperceptibly move into the stage of despair and acceptance... This is truly the most terrifying.

My dear sister, there's a hole inside me, probably much larger than yours! I can only mentally send you these words, my dear.
Every night before sleeping, I mentally list everyone I know, sincerely hoping that they will all stay alive.

In the evening, the gas is cut off.
No communication all day.
The last two comforts were taken away…

We try to sleep in the basement, but I can't endure it for long, so I go up to the apartment, lying down in boots and two jackets. My pockets are always stuffed: a flashlight, phone, cigarettes, matches, and other essentials are constantly with me. I managed to sleep for a while during the night. My whole body aches.

***

Day Twelve: March 7, 2022, Sunday

Bombing since four in the morning, but far away. I get up, trying to catch a signal. My sister must have gone crazy by now, the only ray of light is gone. I wash my face, brush my teeth every other day to save water. Bathing or washing my hair is beyond consideration. Once we took such ordinary things for granted…

Olya and I decide to go to Veronika's, intending to give her the phone numbers of our relatives. With God's help, they will manage to escape the city today.

There's light snow outside... Time for the field kitchen. We cook borscht on firewood, heat water, and prepare chicken breast on the grill. By the way, all this cooking happens during breaks between explosions, with whistling overhead, we manage to run into the basement at the speed of sound. An explosion! Very close!

Aunt Valya, our neighbor, has passed away; she was paralyzed a few days before the war. It's heart-wrenching to look at her husband.

We set up a wooden board at the entrance. We will chalk  the dates, days of the week, and days since the war started. People's phones are dead, we begin to lose track of time…

Men moved Aunt Valya’s body to the shed. Another woman died close to us.
Shooting from our side during the night. The morning is quiet. Around 10 a.m the shelling starts. These conclusions are made empirically.

To be honest, I'm no longer sure that the stages of information perception are accurate. There are many more! Dear great minds, you will have to rewrite the books on psychology! I want to tell you one thing: we will not allow the stage of despair to come!!! We are children of this Earth. We love our Earth. We will live. We will live on it and for its good! No matter what. Let this life, without water, electricity, gas, dirty and tired, become our usual life, just don't shoot! Our wonderful, talented children deserve none of this! For them, we are ready for everything: to be torn to pieces, beaten to death with sticks, to bite, to fight hand-to-hand with bare hands, and to scream to the whole planet:

We are people! We will live!

Yesterday, Veronika read the poem "Meni trynadtsyaty mynalo" by T. G. Shevchenko… My little hero…

In the evening, we sit in the basement.

Tomorrow is March 8th. Olya’s crocuses have bloomed.

28 days until the end of Katia’s life.

22 days until the end of Vitalik's lifehusband Vitalik’s life.

Day Thirteen: March 8, 2022, Tuesday

The night was quiet. Or perhaps we have grown accustomed to the sounds alien to our normal life... Today's menu includes fried potatoes and fish, cooked on a campfire.

On the holiday, the men offered their congratulations. Vitalik kissed and embraced me in a way he never had throughout our shared life, presenting gifts of a "Marengo" bottle and waffles for Nadyusha. Alexey brought chocolate drops for cakes. Yura congratulated us with a cake, which he most likely "swiped" from a looted store. Unfortunately, it turned out to be spoiled. We so wanted to share it with all the female neighbors! But let this be our biggest disappointment.  And, I had a bottle of champagne stashed away!

Overnight, snow fell. It is beautiful! Snowdrops peeking through the snow! A true Women's Day! Now, as the snow melts, we're collecting water.

There's no information about Veronika (my niece). Did they leave? We unanimously decided that if she didn't return by evening, they likely managed to break through. God protect them!

Arthur, Uncle Sasha's nephew, came by. He was at the settlement and saw my mother yesterday. This is very good news. Thank you to all the heroes who move around the city and bring news. God protect you!

There is a wood storage between the 1st and 2nd floors. We had to bring all the wood inside because people around started to dismantle wooden roofs.

Joy in the simplest of things, unimaginable to anyone before. All material concerns have receded into the background.

The most wonderful gift for us, women, was a bath day. The men drained water from the heating system, heated it in buckets on the grill, and we, oh miracle, bathed in icy bathrooms! Clean hair, fragrant with shampoo, was more beautiful than all the flowers in the world!

27 days until the end of Katia’s life.

21 days until the end of Vitalik's lifehusband Vitalik’s life.

***

Day fourteen: March 9, 2022, Wednesday

Somewhere high up in the sky, there probably remains the last drop, ready to fall on my head… I don’t know where to find the strength to hold it, to prevent it from dissolving and despairing. I try my hardest to hold on! It’s scary that I stop thinking about my mother, sister, and other people because there’s no time to think about them, and not knowing anything about them changes nothing.

A shell fell somewhere very close. According to uncle Vitya Goncharov, it hit the surgery department and a residential building.  How much more destruction and death are needed?

Today is my father's birthday. How are they doing? We last heard of them when we still had a connection. Then he was still going to work, despite the bullets.

The extent of the destruction in the city is unknown. In my, our,  Hero City!

Everyone has been irritable since the morning. Everyone here has become disabled for the rest of their lives. The only question is how much of this we have left - this life?

My dear diary, every day I pray that the page I write on won’t turn over, for one simple reason - there’s nothing more to write.

12:50. An air strike is expected by noon. Informed by a neighbor from the first entrance. We wait… God, let it be untrue.

16:20. A shell hit our house. The roof, kitchen, Volkovs' apartment, and one of our windows were damaged. Uncle Sasha is alive. Cleared the debris until dark. There was a suspicion of fire. Firefighters checked. All is in order.

We hold on! Staying in the basement tonight.

20:00. Until now, I haven’t found the words to describe the HELL that has insidiously crept into our life!!! Even in the worst nightmare, it was impossible to imagine what happened today. A hellish machine sent a shell into our dwelling.

Thanks to everyone who helped clear the rubble and extinguish the fire. Uncle is not wounded, a friend in the neighboring yard took him in. Guys will cover the hole in the roof tomorrow. They are real heroes! You know, I’m incredibly relieved now that there’s no communication, and none of the close ones - neither sister, nor mother, nor father, nor aunt Nadya Volkova know about the nightmare that happened today.

Men are holding up bravely. Nadyusha is planning for the future. Says she’ll do kitchen repairs for uncle Sasha.

Noise, dust, the house roof blew off across the courtyard perimeter, bricks debris, a shell in uncle Sasha’s kitchen, smoke, a sea of people, panic, fear…

Among melted candles and evening prayers,

Amidst military trophies and peaceful bonfires,

Lived book-loving children, unaware of battles,

Wasting away from their own minor catastrophes.

They lived and did not understand that they were happy.

***

26 days until the end of Katia's life.

20 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Fifteen: March 10, 2022, Thursday

Last night was the first one spent entirely in the basement. Only fearless Vitalik went up to the apartment to sleep for a while. Nadya, Olya, Vadik, Yura, and I stayed in the basement all night. The fourteenth day of the war (which we so hoped would be the last) brought real disaster to our home. There’s practically no roof left on our side and uncle Sasha’s kitchen has a hole through to the sky. We used to thank nature for rain and snow; now we hope for neither. We used almost all our water to put out the fire. We managed on our own without help, thanks to the fire being small. Otherwise, the firefighters who arrived would have flooded our apartment.

Olya is sorting through various junk in the basement, amusing me with her jars, asking which to throw away and which to keep. I myself have more than enough of such stuff. Ironically, what we wanted to throw away is now coming in handy. How I fretted over Vitalik collecting various sticks and other junk. But now, the guys have gathered firewood on the platform, and it warms the soul (it was at that moment).

We made beds in our basement and the corridor out of chairs and an old door. It turned out great!

The men made a lamp; now it’s like daylight for us: a car battery + LED strip. A constant struggle for survival.

Just hoping no more shells come.  If only no more shells would come. Heavy artillery is firing, aircraft are bombing, and there are exchanges of gunfire from rifles and machine guns. Films about World War II seem like cartoons now. We will probably remain forever in the first stage. We see everything with our own eyes, our hearts ache, torn apart along with the homes and people. Yet, no one has been able to truly believe in this hell so far.

Uncle Sasha went to his apartment. I don’t know what he does there. Probably ripping apart what's left of his heart.

Sveta's brother Andrey came by bike. Brought a message from her. They are all safe and everything is intact. Only there is no news from Genchik.

Olya says, “We live like hobos.” No, we’ll start living like that when the water runs out…

Nika came with her cousin Dima, Ira, and Kostya. They really cheered us up! Ira apparently has an endless supply of alcohol. :)

Sasha Chalenko told us that in his building (a four-story one on Semashko street) a girl gave birth to a baby in hospital #3. A shell hit it, she was injured by the glass, and the police with the Red Cross took her home. They treated her wounds on-site, and the baby is fine. A great miracle! New life!…

Nadyusha made tea for everyone. Uncle Vitya came, and she offered him a cup of the hot drink. Oh, the gratitude and happiness of that old man... He suffers greatly from not being able to bury his wife, from not being able to wash her and dress her in her favorite dress. It's simply a nightmare - all these things that I’m trying to briefly describe.

Nadyusha drew a calendar for March, and we hung it up. Today is March 10, the 15th day of the war...

Serezha, one of the heroes of our time, told us how much food costs: 1,000 UAH for 1kg of flour. No need to say more... Besides, all our money remains in the PUMB bank. My husband Vitalik dreamed of buying a car. A golden dream.

1,170 civilians during the period of the great Russian "liberation" or the insane hellish game of the mad Putin. That's just in Mariupol! The hero messenger said that the Emergency Services and volunteers knelt before the military on the left bank, begging to be allowed to rescue people from the rubble, but they were not allowed. A card game of mad people.

20:44 If only to eat some fruit! Yurka brought icy apples, Vitalik is warming one for Nadyusha under his coat.

25 days until the end of Katia's life.

19 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Sixteen: March 11, 2022, Friday

It's cold. The frost is getting stronger. It's warmer in the basement than in the apartment. Sleeping is impossible for two reasons: either you shudder from the explosions or you freeze to the point of rigidity, despite wearing more clothes than my own weight…

Vadik is heating a mug of water on a solid fuel stove. Nadyusha sleeps in the basement. I’m making Naidochka to warm her feet. Olya is wrestling with Chester. Vitalik is sleeping in the apartment with Podrick.?  7:18 my feet were frozen  12-19, they finally warmed up. We had breakfast. The enemy plane keeps circling above us. The explosions, which we constantly hear, are becoming more familiar.

Sveta's brother brought a note from her and some vegetables. Sveta's brother brought a note from her and some vegetables. Such grand gestures truly warm the heart, coming from wonderful people who risk bullets to deliver messages to others.  Andriusha Lukash rode his bicycle around the neighborhood looking for food for his dog. He wanted to move his mother and sister to my mom's place, but they refused. He has changed a lot in appearance, and so have we all...

Looking at myself in the mirror, I see an eighty-year-old woman.

I want to say that all of us here in besieged Mariupol are heroes in our own way: some bring news, others bravely visit their loved ones under gunfire, procure food and water, support the desperate, roam around the area trying to catch a signal on their mobile phone screens to call loved once, prepare hot meals, risking their lives. This is true heroism… not the senseless shooting on someone’s demented orders. In people's hearts, there are holes so large that not even the most magical threads can mend them.  Curse this war!!!

At 15:24, we were very cold, especially Nadya. I rubbed her legs with my hands. I heated water on Oleg's grill, poured it into bottles, and wrapped Nadya with them. I hope it warms her up. I started coughing. Some vodka with lemon would be good. Yura brought it.  I pour about 100 grams, drink it, and realize I've ingested some kind of poison. It turned out to be medical alcohol! I thought everything inside would burn out!  But it doesn’t matter, the important thing is that I felt warm, as if on a sunny summer day at the beach. What a relief!

At 17:13, I was washing dishes when there was a shout in the hallway! “Vitaly”! I got scared. But it turned out to be Sasha Kaurtaev! He brought two packs of cigarettes. Dimka was with him. They cheered us up greatly again! The whole family, as if chosen especially. They bring us back to normal life. Dimka also keeps a diary (he’s 25 years old). Amazing. We'll publish a book together :)

Sasha came with the latest news. Two houses were completely burned down in Sadki in front of his eyes. A nine-story building burned down in the settlement of Ukraine.

24 days until the end of Katia's life.

18 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Seventeen: March 12, 2022, Saturday

The night was relatively quiet. Dawn broke, and I went up to our apartment where Vitalik was sleeping. I snuggled next to him under a makeshift tent of blankets and felt a sense of peace I hadn’t experienced at all these days. Shortly afterward, the bombing started again, this time very close by. Apparently, two shells fell - one in Sasha's street house and near Sveta's. It’s unknown if there are any victims.

Dima and Natasha visited us again! They also went to see my mother. She was planning to come to us! Poor thing, she is completely exhausted and worried. Her already troubling hypertension now bothers her even more. Does she have her medicine? Thank God they arrived in time, and she didn't set out on the road! My fearless mom passed on food, a huge jar of hot borscht, and much more. I wrote her a note, and I didn't describe any events; Dima and Natasha will tell her without me. I just said "Thank you" and asked for forgiveness.

We heated the kettle at Oleg Skudar’s place; people came to his wife Natasha. They said the city center is destroyed. Our wonderful city is destroyed by unknown forces and for unknown reasons! For what purpose is everything destroyed, and people are dying?!?!

Arthur and Lyuba were looking for Uncle Sasha; we told them where he is now.

Vadim and Vitalik climbed up to the attic, placed sheets of slate over the hole. It was heroic! The photos taken by Vadim from above showed me the extent of the destruction.
I live by one thing: I hope that everything, even the most terrible, eventually comes to an end…

…I'm in my bed. No one is shooting. The child sleeps in her room. She has to go to the institute in the morning. Beside me is my husband Vitalik, warm and very loved. And we fall asleep simultaneously… We dream the same dream, as long as our life together, all our good and bad moments, even the arguments. But we are very happy in this dream. So happy that we never want to wake up…

23 days until the end of Katia's life.

17 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Eighteen: March 13, 2022, Sunday

Throughout the night and morning, the relentless bombing from planes, artillery, and unidentifiable guns persisted. We flinched at every sound! The night and the first half of the day passed in a sort of madness. I can hardly remember anything clearly. The only thing I can say is that going to the bathroom in the apartment (and not to a toilet but to a stinking bucket) at the speed of sound was incredibly difficult. It took so long to take off and put on clothes, fearing that we might have to run out of the apartment butt-naked.

Serezha came by. He had been to the city center, or rather, what was left of it. He described the horrors he saw with his own eyes. It was most horrible for Vadik to hear: his mother and relatives are there, and he has known nothing about them all this time.

The second half of the day was relatively quiet (although we've eliminated that word from our vocabulary). Managed to heat the kettle a few times. Ate my mom's borscht.

18:40 Yura is a magician. Whatever you might want, just think about it, and there's Yura, pulling the desired item from his magic pocket: cream for coffee, chips, fruits.

Sasha Chalenko came by, a person who can lift spirits, after whom the world seems warmer and cozier, thoroughly permeated with war and misery.

Saw Sveta Zavodina today. She lives in a shelter with her mother and son. I asked about Ana. She knows nothing.

22 days until the end of Katia’s life.

16 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Nineteen: March 14, 2022, Monday

I slept for a long time… My lower back, leg, and all of the right side are aching. I suffered through the night, although it was quiet, and fell into a deep sleep towards morning. Everyone else had already gotten up. Olya cooked buckwheat. I even heard Nadya’s voice through my sleep, but I couldn’t get up.

We stood in a long line at "Lyubava" for groceries. Dima and Natasha came. In the queue, I saw Zhenya Karachevtsev, our neighbor from p. Ukraine, where we used to live. How joyful it is to see familiar faces!

Vita gave me 200 UAH (about $6). I didn’t want to take it, but she insisted: “I’m lending it to you.” And then I realized she really wants to meet again. For 180 UAH, I got 1 kg of sugar, 3 kg of flour, and 1 kg of buckwheat. For Vitalik - 2 kg of flour, 1 kg of sugar, and 1 kg of rice for 170 UAH. Tomorrow we will take our place in line at 6 AM. I want to send some to my mother.

Andrey, our godfather, came by bike. He traveled from the city center. Horrible! The center is destroyed! By bombers! The settlement of Volonterovka is destroyed, literally wiped off the face of the earth! Eastern and Left Bank as well! On the Left Bank, they dug a mass grave and are dumping bodies there. This is something unimaginable!

Lesha brought me an MDF board. He asked me to make a gravestone for Aunt Valya. I did my best under the circumstances. It turned out beautifully. Maybe Uncle Vitya will be a bit happy...

Vadik found Nadya a small-sized, brand new work suit. We cut off the reflective strips and dressed her in it. She looks so funny and yet so grown-up, my girl. It feels like I’ve slept through a part of life and my child has grown up so much. So wise, strong, instantly became an adult, my little one.

My dear sister! How are you, my dear? Just don’t go crazy, I beg you! We are alive and will live for the sake of children, for relatives! And we will definitely meet!

21 days until the end of Katia’s life.

15 days until the end of Vitalik's  life.

***

Day Twenty: March 15, 2022, Tuesday

Spring is in full bloom, despite the war... Today I saw the buds of yellow crocuses and tasty buds on roses. The houseplants are quietly dying. It's very cold for them. Only the kalanchoe delights with its bloom. It's about +5 degrees inside the apartment.

In the morning, we collected water from the heating system for the entire yard. I lit a fire, heated water, and fried sausage. I even managed to wash myself. Incredible! But I had to dress very quickly because the artillery lit up and explosions were heard very close by. With wet hair, I ran to the basement.

In the morning, while I was still asleep, Andriy Lukash came by. He had somehow found "Maria" cookies and shared them with his goddaughter, our Nadya.

Dima was caught in the crossfire. We were terrified when he came to us to recount the incident.

Vitalik went to the looted offices at the factory. Miraculously, he managed to bring home 15 first-aid kits, very well-equipped and all usable. A truly heroic act. Tomorrow we will share with the neighbors.

But overall, everything is bad.
The city is being destroyed more and more!
More and more people are dying!

My beloved flowering city! Beautiful, modern, adorned with an amazing sea, plants and animals, strong infrastructure, and kind people. How could anyone dare to destroy all this due to the foolish, inhumane ambitions of a mad antichrist!

Merciful Lord,
Save and Protect Ukraine!

P.S. I no longer check for communications. Forgive me, my dear sister.

20 days left until the end of her life.

14 days left until the end of her husband's life.

***

Day twenty-first: March 16, 2022, Wednesday

It was relatively quiet all day. Could it all be over? Or is this the beginning of the end?

Today we buried aunt Valya. None of the men dared to go to the cemetery, so it was unanimously decided to bury her in the yard. How awful! The men dug a grave. We managed to get a coffin. All the neighbors gathered in the yard to bid farewell to this wonderful woman, born and died during wartime. May her soul rest in peace!

Olya and I went to the Kaurtaevs, hoping to find out where to get cigarettes and charge our gadgets. They are sitting on their suitcases, wanting to leave, but it’s completely unknown whether it’s feasible. On the way back, we stopped by Anna Yevtushenko’s. I called her, knocked on the gate, but no one came out. Their yard was in disarray, most likely they had gone somewhere. On the way, we met Artem Buchin, Nadyushka's friend. The boy, always friendly and sunny, has aged beyond his years. He didn’t recognize me. Perhaps I was right about the 80-year-old grandmother. God bless you, child!

My dear sister! If only you knew how we live, how much horror each resident of our city and other cities of our beautiful country has to endure! If only you could see the destroyed city, so dear and beloved!

If only you heard the sounds of bursting shells, hitting homes and human lives! If only you saw the abandoned animals with their empty, hopeless eyes! Do you hear the groan of the Earth? Do you hear the groans of people: children, elders, men and women, mothers with babies?

I don’t tire of sending you SMSs, which don’t reach you. I don’t tire of believing that we all will survive so that our descendants may know what truly happened in Ukraine in 2022.

If you hear me and the cries of frightened people, strong and weak, those who have not lost hope and those who have despaired, your heart would already have shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. Stop listening to me! Live! And don’t lose hope! We are alive! And we will definitely see each other when the war ends, and we will rejoice in the simplest things: silence, the sun, the singing of birds, the smiles of loved ones, plain, simple food, water and the warmth from a fire, and peace. Wait, my dear, and our patience will be rewarded!

Lord! Save and Protect! Amen!

19 days until the end of Katia's life.

13 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Twenty-Two: March 17, 2022, Wednesday

It's cold. Snow. Frost. It's surprising that no one has fallen ill yet. I guess, the body has activated its reserves.

The day went by as usual. A normal day in "normal life." We are freezing, our legs and the whole body ache from the huge amount of clothing on each of us, from the endless running up and down, from the accumulated fatigue of the last 22 days.

Katya Golyshova and her friends arrived in an old, battered car with "Children" written on it. 

They brought us a bag of flour, which they collected from the floor. God truly blessed us with good friends in this life.

I never made it to my mother’s... In the morning, I fried pancakes; in the afternoon, I cooked borscht for the whole group, and by evening, I wanted to stay at home. There was no shooting, and it felt so good and cozy, despite the apartment resembling a shed. I even managed to wipe the floor in Nadya’s room, the corridor, and the kitchen. The flowers are dying, and my heart bleeds. I don’t know if it was right or wrong, but I watered them with a bit of warm water and wiped their leaves with a damp cloth.

There’s no communication. No water. No heat. No electricity. And, most likely, we are beginning to get used to this chaos (despondency).

18 days until the end of Katia’s life.

12 days until the end of Vitalik's life

***

Day Twenty-Three: March 18, 2022, Friday

War has evil eyes! 

People are going mad! Hunger! Fear! Despair!

If only we knew when this madness will end? We don't need any worldly luxuries!!! Just let us live in peace, without gunfire!!! My daughter and I will go to the spring, bring water, clean the apartment, bathe, and we will be insanely happy! We will all climb onto the roof, even Nadyusha, and repair it, and we will all together rebuild our beautiful city for our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Lord, save and protect!

I'm in the drama theater.We came to the theater with our child. She won a drawing competition about our city. Together, we drew a picture of our wonderful city and won tickets to the play. Fantastic! If only it were now! Even if the war ends now, there will be nothing left in our country, and our children will have no future. There is no theater in the city center, no good entertainment centers, no parks.

Our mayor was trying hard to make our city even more beautiful, but it's all in vain now because everything has been destroyed by the hands of the devil.

I'm in my old apartment, where we used to live. We've just come from the maternity hospital, which can be seen from our kitchen window. I'm with my mother, sister, and husband. In my arms, I hold my newborn daughter - a new life. Everyone is busy and happy. A new meaning has come to our family's life. Outside, October plays with the bright colors of autumn…

Many Octobers have passed, and my daughter is almost twenty. It's March outside, frosty, with temperatures around -10 C, and it's almost always snowing.

It's very cold. I don't remember such weather at this time of the year. Everyone is busy, but with completely different troubles. And there's no more happiness on their faces.

17 days until the end of Katia’s life.

11 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Twenty-Four: March 19, 2022, Saturday

Uncle Sasha Volkov visits sometimes. Just this morning, he came, cried, and said that people from the church are supporting him. I can't even imagine what he feels, entering his home. He takes something and leaves again…

The day has come when people turned into monsters!!!  This was my biggest fear. Olya turned out to be the weakest link and was the first to cause a scene. The complaints were endless: caused a mess on the bench, cluttered the entire entrance, eating together was a bad idea, "where is my spoon?" and similar grievances. I feel very sorry for her... Surviving alone is extremely difficult. 

She accused me of us apparently having eaten all their food, and now it turns out I've been taking things out bit by bit from under the floor and with a displeased expression, handed her two potatoes yesterday. Nonsense! 

I don't even know who among them will go for water when they run out, if both are afraid to venture beyond their entrance. She called me a “rat.” God be her judge! Everything that our friends brought, I laid out on the common table. Why keep count now? The person has made her choice. And life will eventually put everything in its place. And everyone will get what they deserve for their actions. And me… I've already been through the wringer, so I can handle this too.

I want to say that today is probably the worst day, although deep down I knew this would happen sooner or later. It hurts. It hurts a lot. But the most important thing is my family, and I must endure much more for it to survive. Now, I'm taking deep breaths, exhaling, and calming down... I'm at home where I feel good and at peace. Nearby, Naidochka is clicking her claws, outside the window, the barking of dogs can be heard, the sun is shining, and it will always be like this. Lord! Save and protect everyone! And grant Olya more strength and wisdom than the rest.

I want to specifically mention the guys on the fire trucks. Truly real heroes! The "Talakivka" truck, with its shattered windows, regularly passes by our house, carrying men made of steel and granite; not a single muscle flinches on their faces. Amidst the relentless bombings, they perform their duty. A deep bow to you, great people!

Vitalik and I visit the Kaurtaevs, Irina, and Anya. The first ones are holding up fairly well. But Anyuta is completely disheartened; we had to cheer her up with whatever came to mind. "Don’t despair, my dear friend, you'll ride on your crane again, we'll work together again."

16 days until the end of Katia's life.

10 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Twenty-Five: March 20, 2022, Sunday

Emotions are becoming scarce. Either we've become accustomed, or we are tired of being scarred, and the brain accepts the situation as a given. Desperation. There's no information on when this nightmare will finally end. And that's the most depressing part. People are becoming sadder, their faces are not the same as before, even though many still joke and smile. But these are different smiles. They resemble the grimaces of the insane, involuntarily committed to psychiatric hospitals. Yet, deep down, each of them is convinced of their sanity.

My close ones, my family, wonderful people, constantly fall apart, like houses of cards, they break down, go mad, despair. Their beautiful eyes grow dim. Brown, blue, gray. Once bright, with sparkles. Cheerful redhead Katya cries, and through the veil of tears, I can't see the color of her eyes. Hang on! Hold on to the end with all your might, my dear Katyusha!

I don't know if Alexey quoted or invented this phrase himself: "They can take everything from us: food, water, warmth, and much more. Even our lives. But they will never take away our Hope!"

15 days until the end of Katia's life.

9 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Twenty-Six: March 21, 2022, Monday

The city is destroyed! According to the existing data: from what we see ourselves and from the stories of people who have all without exception become incredibly close to us. I know what has survived, very little indeed: the Ilyichevsky and Primorsky districts are what remain. The Eastern and Left Bank areas have been reduced to ashes since the war's outset. Volonterovka and Ukraine are devastated, and the center, Kirova, and the 17-23 MKR areas are destroyed.  Mirny is on fire.

Our beautiful city is being leveled to the ground!!! Monsters! Who needs this? Why do they want our death? And who? We don’t understand anything!

My precious mom and dad, please live! Forgive me, my dear ones, for everything I did wrong! I kneel before you, kissing your feet and the ground you walk on. May God protect you!

My dear friends: Sergeyko Orlov, Oksanochka, Andriyko Lukash, Yana and Vitalik, Vita. Forgive me, I can’t even remember all of you right now. Please live! I beg the universe, I beg Mother Earth! Just stay alive!

My little daughter Nadiika!

Your father and I always wanted only the best for you, worked for you and your future. Forgive us for not being able to give you everything you deserve, my beauty, my smart girl. Believe, we are trying to survive only to pull you out of this hell, to peel off our skin, so you can have a future, a family, children, a good life. My enchanting girl, live and be happy!

14 days until the end of Katia’s life.

8 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Twenty-Seven: March 22, 2022, Tuesday

I managed to "sleep" in the apartment for a while, but spent the rest of the time sleeping on top of the door in the basement.  Each new day is harder: constant sleep deprivation, endless movement in inhumane conditions, cooking under the looming shells and explosions... My legs hurt terribly, my knees feel like they are turned inside out, and my hands are covered in wounds from the cold, dirt, and washing dishes in cold water. We manage to bathe partially about once every 4-5 days, and my head itches. We have to conserve water. And bathing in the cold is unbearable.

Today, I visited Uncle Sasha Volkov's apartment. He left us the keys. Vitalik and I cleared some bricks, stacking them in the hallway to make it a bit easier for him to get home. I removed a shell from the apartment, not wanting it to be there. Tomorrow, it will need to be taken out of the building.

Yesterday, Vitalik Lyubarskiy arrived on a children's bicycle. He’s completely changed! So serious now. He speaks much better. I understand every word he says. He told about how his and Yana's apartment was damaged in the first days. Yana stayed with her mother, Aunt Lusya, at her house, while Vitalik crawled half a day to his mother Irina, who lives not far from us. He came again today. He says he was at Yana's in the morning, bringing her water. Now a shell has hit Aunt Lusya's apartment. Vitalik is now a real little fighter on his small bicycle.

Sasha Chalenko came by... We drank coffee. But suddenly, an explosion occurred nearby, black smoke from Sasha's house. I will never forget his face! Thankfully, the shell fell between his house and the neighbor's, only breaking windows. No casualties.

We spent half the day fetching water. We spent half the day fetching water. Vitalik miraculously found that there was still water in the boilers at his workplace's "Equipment Department." We managed to bring home about 100 liters. . Draining it through a thin tube took a very long time. 

Managed to buy 5 packs of cigarettes for 100 hryvnias each.

Veronica, Ira, Kostya, Sasha, Lena, Marina, Dimka, Slavik, and some elderly woman left yesterday. Their house had its windows blown out. Tomorrow we need to go: to hide or take their valuable things to our place. Ira asked for it. God willing, everything worked out for them, and they safely reached Melekino.

A plane circles overhead, dropping deadly missiles on our beloved city, into our homes, and into our hearts. We sit in the basement. Yurka brought apples. Probably the tastiest I've ever eaten. Everyone is exhausted to the point of collapse, faces have turned pale, eyes are full of fear and despair, but we are alive, and a tiny spark of hope still lives within us, in our wounded hearts.

Goodnight, my dear mother Ukraine!

Our enemies will perish,

Like dew in the sun.

And we shall prevail, brothers,

In our own land.

13 days until the end of Katia's life.

7 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Twenty-Eight: March 23, 2022, Wednesday

The planes are bombing…

We're preparing breakfast: the two-day-old hot soup.

We clean up the shed. It has never been this clean before. We spend half the day on this. The second half of the day is spent at Veronika’s. They have been gone for three days. We boarded up the windows, cleaned up the trash, and gathered some food. Ira asked to take the TV. We carried everything home twice. We will visit once a day if possible.

Found a bottle of wine in the shed, poured a liter into a jar. Very tasty. Found fresh vegetables in their fridge: Chinese cabbage, white cabbage, parsley, lettuce leaves. I made myself a divine salad. All instincts remain at the level of animal survival.

Today, godfather Andrey visited. He brought a message from my mother. I passed the medical kits to my mother, mother-in-law, and godfather. The Petrenko family left. Apparently, Dima killed all his pigeons and gave him one already cooked. We didn’t eat it. Horrible! Andrey said he got through to Nadya’s sister. Miracle!

I washed myself. Partially. Washed my hair. In the water I bathed in, I managed to wash some clothes.

Another terrible day… We've come to terms with it. Just don't shoot!

I want to say that our reactions to shots and explosions have completely dulled. We go about our usual tasks. There's always something that needs to be done. That's what my aunt Masha used to say. And so we do, life goes on, we can't just give up, especially with our children depending on us.

Good night, my dear ones, my precious people, and all the people of our extraordinary Ukraine! Live!

12 days until the end of Katia's life.

6 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day Twenty-Nine: March 24, 2022, Thursday

19:23. Another day is drawing to a close - the twenty-ninth since the war began. Everyone here in this hell behaves differently: some are still scared of every noise, just like in the early days; some have resigned themselves; others see it as a payment for all their sins and those of humanity; many have calmed down and are keeping themselves  busy with their daily lives. Some are trying to escape the city to start anew elsewhere. We, after a family council, decided not to leave hastily, to wait until the shooting stops, and then make decisions based on the circumstances. That the city has no future for a decade is an undeniable fact. People who have been to other areas describe the scale of destruction, which is simply horrifying.

We spent the morning at Ira's house, tidying up the kitchen. Vitalik was boarding up windows again. The air raids continued. We cooked during the day: borscht and barley porridge. Vitalik Lyubarsky came again on his bicycle, trying to get to Yana, but the Ukrainian soldiers did not let him through.

Sergey and Kristina have been living with us, or rather, in Olya and Vadik’s apartment, for several days now. Kristina is crying.

I heard that people are leaving the water treatment facility and the firefighters from the State Emergency Service are also leaving. This is very bad. Seeing these fearless men made me feel much better, as if there was some protection nearby.

We are tired and worn out. Ordinary people, innocent, hardworking, just wanting to live a simple life.

Tomorrow is the thirtieth day. Is that a lot or a little? No one knows the answer. Every evening, going to bed, we sincerely believe that in the morning there will be no more planes dropping missiles, no more guns firing deadly shells, and everything familiar will return, and all this nightmare will turn out to be a terrible dream.

11 days until the end of Katia's life.

5 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day thirty: March 25, 2022, Friday

19:35. Out of 400 people who were in the Hydrotherapy Center, only 26 remain today. The rest have left in a column either to the 17th District or beyond the city limits. Rumor has it that in the 17th District, the DNR is distributing food parcels and it is safer there. But there are plenty of rumors, including those that water and electricity were provided in the Eastern part. Uncle Vitya (81 years old) walked there today and saw with his own eyes that there was nothing but complete chaos and darkness, gunfire, and wounded people running.

Today, people left the shelter organized in Uncle Sasha Chalenko's yard and went to Talakovka.

Tomorrow there will be even fewer of us left. Oleg Skudar and his family are leaving for Novoalekseyevka. They have a summer house there. Chalenko is evacuating his family - 10 people in two cars to the village of Zeleny Yar. He came to "say goodbye." He said - we will return at the first opportunity.

Olya and Vadik want to move to the 17th District. Vadik's mother and brother are there. But I'm not sure they will decide to actually go there on foot.

What unit of measurement can truly quantify human sorrow?

How many human tears have been shed - they can’t even compare to the amount of water in the World Ocean.

How to measure the distance to God, to whom millions of impoverished people send their pleas?

Is there a name for the inhumanity of the person who started this senseless bloody war, crippling so many lives?

If only we knew whom to ask? If only we knew who will answer for all the suffering of my people, for the broken spirit and unbearable despair?

The red "Talakovka" car, which provided some hope, no longer comes. We no longer see the broken windows of the iron boys in firefighter uniforms. They too have left the city. The time of mass panic has come. Many have run out of food. Others can no longer bear the terrible explosions, fearing for themselves and their little children. And they flee from one abyss to another. And in this endless chaos, everyone makes their choice.

10 days until the end of Katia's life.

4 days until the end of Vitalik's life

***

Day thirty-first: March 26, 2022, Saturday

The morning was unbearably terrible!!! A deadly missile fell on Veronika's street (niece). A crater about 5 meters deep and the diameter of our apartment. The house next to Veronika's is destroyed. One woman died. I cannot describe the horror I felt. Uncle Sasha's relatives are planning to leave.

Many people left the city today. This fact "completely shattered" us. I saw Vitalik so devastated today for the first time during the war. Chalenko with his family, Oleg Skudar, and the Goncharovs left. A convoy of eight cars. The rest are walking towards the 17th District. Tired, desperate people move in groups, carrying some belongings, hoping to find some food and protection there. But it's all hearsay, whether it’s true or not, no one really knows. They need to take detours, risking getting caught in the shelling. That's how Sergey with his mother and brother went. We happened to meet. My dear ones are heading into the unknown, and we will stay here in our homes, in the same uncertainty. Sasha Shulika was shot somewhere near Mukhino. That's what Sergey said.

Everyday we live in hell. Every day brings us new trials, crippling our consciousness more and more. And there is no end in sight…

Tomorrow Olya and Vadik plan to leave. Our family will be the only one remaining in our apartment building.

Uncle Vitya sits on a bench at his little girl's grave. The sight is unbearable! We try to support him as much as possible. But, I think, all words here are superfluous, and there are simply no words at all... Only stone faces, empty eyes, calloused, cracked hands from dirt and cold, and wounded hearts, in which a tiny spark of Hope still glimmers.

9 days until the end of Katia's life.

3 days until the end of Vitalik's life.

***

Day thirty-second: March 27, 2022, Sunday

You can choose everything in the world, my son. The only thing you cannot choose is your Motherland!

The next day. Just like the day before, terrible. New devastations, crippled lives, and destroyed homes. A shell hit near our house, blowing out the last windowpane in the far room.

We found bicycles in the Volkovs' garage. Nadia and Vitalik went to visit Olya and Vitalik’s former colleague nearby. Their house was also damaged. Meanwhile, I was frying flatbreads on the fire, cleaning up branches and debris in the street.

Olya and Vadik couldn't go to the city center. The guide refused to lead the group. Waited for about two hours. Then everyone dispersed to their homes. Girls from the neighboring building tried to reach the food supplies but failed. Maybe that’s how it was meant to be.

Today, everyone is alive. And that's the most important thing. Waiting for the morning.

Many thoughts on political matters, but I don’t want to write about it. I just want to say one thing: I love my Motherland with all my heart, so wonderful and incredible. Its cities and villages, rivers and seas, sincere and kind people. And with all my heart, I hate those nonhumans who started the war against my country. And the people of this country became bloody meat, worth less than half a penny. In fact, human life is a mere trifle and nobody tells the truth.

My dear sister, I will survive to convey the truth to you and others. And that is my fate…

8 days left until the end of her life.

2 days left until the end of her husband's life.

***

Day thirty-three: March 28, 2022, Monday

Morning at Uncle Vitya’s yard. Drinking tea. Dimka arrived, tired and drunk. We decided to go with him to the settlement. Nadia and I lead the way, Vitalik and Dimka are about a hundred meters behind us. At the fifth gate, a soldier nearly shot us. I was this scared for the second time in all 33 days. He ran, swearing loudly. Nadia ordered to drop behind the hillock, while she, raising her hands, shouted, “Don’t shoot! Two women! We are visiting our mother! Haven’t seen her for a month.” “Papers!” he yelled. But we left without them. “Our house burned down. The documents too.” He approached closer. Very young. I fell into his chest, crying. He turned out to be Dimka's neighbor, a volunteer. His name is Artem. Thank God it ended this way. And we moved on. But the fear I experienced was indescribable: not for myself, but for my daughter.

Mom is holding up bravely! The roof was blown off, but Andrey and Dima repaired it. Saw Natasha, Kiryusha, and Grandma Valya. Everyone felt relieved. In our hearts, all the spring flowers blossomed. At the same time, they exuded the most beautiful scents, a hundred times better than the finest perfumes from the best houses in Paris.

The way back was not easier. There was a battle, bullets flew over our heads. We had to hide, duck, and crawl. But, having reached home, we took a deep breath and realized that we had achieved something!

The settlement of Ukraine is on fire!

Later, we went to Veronika’s. Everything is the same as before. Tried to find a network on the railway tracks near the market, but it didn't work out. Tried to find Katia Golyshova’s house, unsuccessfully. Vitalik, driven by curiosity, peered into every yard and every car. My nerves gave out, and I left him, going home to my daughter. He came back alive…

I'm at my parents' house. Mom and dad are young. I'm sitting like in a black-and-white photo, with a green apple in one hand and a wafer in the other. In a headscarf, pretty and carefree. Next to me is my father, dressed as he was in the seventies, handsome and curly-haired. My sister must have already been born. And mom is rocking her in her arms. The trees are green, the birds are singing. And a great future lies ahead.

My dear sister! We are alive, and mom is too. She, as always, is restless and fussy, running around, baking something. I saw her today!!! The boys, Andriy and Dmytro, repaired her roof, damaged by a shell that destroyed the neighbors' house.

I made soup from potatoes found in the trash. It was very bad, but I cooked it and everyone ate with pleasure. At the Volkovs', we found vegetables: beets, carrots, onions, pumpkin, cabbage. All in very poor condition. I sorted them out and tomorrow I will cook a vegetable salad. We'll leave the pumpkin for later. There was also a half-rotten quince. I trimmed it, cut it into small pieces, and covered it with sugar.

Sister, can you imagine the horror I am writing to you about? Can you imagine how we try to survive in this hell? How do I go to the garbage dumps and sift through the trash, looking for leftover vegetables to cook for the animals? Poor dogs and cats, which were already numerous without homes, are now ten times more. People leaving the town left them behind.

I've been trying to call you all day, but there is not a single line on the phone. Forgive me, my dear. We must hear from each other soon, I believe, and so do you. It can't be any other way.

Tomorrow Vitalik will die.

Katia will die in 6 days.

***

 Day thirty-four: March 29, 2022, Tuesday

I've been sleeping in my daughter's bed for days now, my knees hurt terribly, and by the evening the pain is unbearable.

The shooting never completely stops. Bullets are even whizzing over our heads in the yard. If all this had happened on the first days, we would probably all have died from heart failure.

We want to go to Nika's to see how things are. We need to bring home water from their house, rainwater.

Today, I washed the floor, heated water from Sasha's barrel, and thoroughly bathed, from head to toe.

Sveta Zavodina’s nephew, a firefighter, allowed us to take two buckets of water from the fire station. Thank you, boy!

A family from the Mirny settlement passes by; they are trying to find humanitarian aid because they have four children and nothing to eat. I asked them, and they said Okanina Street is relatively calm.

***

At this point, the diary ends.

An explosion is heard in the yard. Vitaliy runs first to check if there is no fire.  Katya follows him. 

And at that moment, the second explosion.

Vitalik dies instantly. Katya sustains severe injuries.

For a day, she will hide in the basement with her daughter. On March 30, she will be moved to hospital #1. Katya is on the 2nd floor. Nadya is in the basement. The daughter will go up to her mom. Give her water. Administer injections. There are no doctors left.

With her right uninjured hand, Katya writes in her phone, urging her daughter to save the diaries. On April 2nd, as a result of shelling, a fire broke out in the hospital. Suffering from fractures to her hip, shoulder, and jaw, Katya is immobile. She was caught up in fire  along with the hospital but managed to jump from the second-floor window, falling near the department's windows where her mother and mother-in-law eventually found her.

Before this ordeal, on April 1 or 2, Katya pens a note to her mother:

"Mom!
I am injured.
In hospital #1.
The doctors have all left.
My leg is broken, and my face is torn apart.
Vitalik has died.
Nadya is in the hospital's basement. Help!"

This note is later delivered to her mother by an unknown man from the Mirny settlement.

Mothers - Katya's and Vitaliy's - found Katya when they had almost given up hope and were on their way home. They find her concealed under a checkered bag, spotting her by mere chance.

Katya succumbs to her injuries and dies in her mother's arms on April 4, in the basement of their building.

The two women bury their children, Katya and Vitaliy, three times. 

The Savenko family now rests at the Starokrymsky cemetery, with Katya forever 42 and Vitaliy 47. Daughter Nadya and the grandmother survive, along with all their neighbors. In a final act of preservation, two notebooks of Katya's diary are secured by Lyudmila Petrivna, Katya Savenko’s mother.