"Art diary from Mariupol: “I am torn to pieces when I see how my city is razed to the ground"

Artist Anna Ponomariova left Mariupol with her family on the second day of the war. Their house in Skhidnyi district of the city, which her great-grandfather had built himself, is likely to have been destroyed. Anastasiya’s pain for her hometown, her friends and acquaintances, has transformed into... life-affirming drawings. Eight sheets in the sketchbook and also the sketchbook cover – Anastasiya Ponomariova’s war diary.

26 February

The first shock passed and I was able to draw at least something... We will cut out this weed, remove it from our land, and everything will be a prosperous Ukraine!!!!

27 February

A respite... We are building up our strength. Everything will be Ukraine!

We will hold it out! We will survive! We are a strong nation that will re-build everything together, making it even better than it was!

We will come out of this becoming stronger, wiser and better! We are a bone Russia will choke on! We will be tearing down our enemies in the war and after it, all those who were waiting for the “russian world” on our land! Get ready! It is not hatred, it is rage. Rage that will burn out all this evil and scum from our land! And a new and strong Ukraine will rise from the flames!

For all our children who woke up from the war, for their every tear and for their fear in the bomb shelters and basements, for each cry from missing their parents, we will make you hell on this earth!!! Glory to Ukraine!

28 February

Russian warship go...

1 March

The first day of spring...

I cannot guarantee my child’s safety. I pray during every air raid warning...

The first day of spring...

My close friends and relatives are in Mariupol and Melitopol, while I am in Dnipro. And I want to go to them. I want to howl realizing that I cannot change anything... I feel powerless and all my attempts to help from where I am now look ridiculous...

The first day of spring...

In Dnipro, I almost do not sleep, as I don’t know what will be here tomorrow. I want to sleep at least for one hour without fearing that an air raid warning siren will be wailing...

The first day of spring...

I don’t know if my house will remain intact and if I will have a place to return to...

The first day of spring...

I don’t know how my cat is doing, the cat whom I could not find as he ran away...

The only clothing I have is a sports/workout suit, two jackets and jeans... But 10 new children’s books for my child... While a huge library of more than 100 books remained at home. Now, I am a homeless intellectual, without my belongings, but with books.

The first day of spring...

The most valuable thing I now have is my great-grandmother’s Gospel...

The first day of spring...

Residential areas are bombed with ballistic rockets and not only...

I know that all this will end with our victory, as it just cannot be otherwise...

2 March

This old radio set is in every photo because we learn about the air raid warnings from it... I took three old markers from home and one sketchbook with eight blank sheets left... And right now Moscow thugs are gunning at houses in my hometown Mariupol, they even hit the maternity hospital…

The city is on fire, people are dying... We will survive! But there will be no tolerance and pity for any supporter of the “russian world”.

3 March

Everyone is alive. Another morning has come. Thank you, the Ukrainian Armed Forces... Seven sheets are left in the sketchbook...

Everything will be fine, we hold on!

4 March

I have six sketchbook sheets left...

In the district of Mariupol where I live, there has been almost no place left where any live would be continuing. Thus, the chances of seeing my house, which my great-grandfather built himself, are lower and lower...

I do not know what is with my relatives, my near and dear ones, and my friends, as there is no mobile phone signal, and I don’t even want to think that I may not see some of them again anymore...

This is not a war – this is wiping off cities from the face of the earth. They hit everything, churches, kindergartens, hospitals, maternity clinics, private houses, and historic landmarks.

Yesterday, there was a fire at the largest nuclear power plant in Europe. And the United States and Europe are afraid to close the sky, as it will be the war with Russia...

Ukraine is not afraid; Ukraine is strangling that dwarf for the whole civilized world, and the world is still afraid.... I have a question, “Is it us who should ask to be part of the EU or the EU should rather ask to join us?

We will survive and be free, because we have nothing more to fear, but can the whole other world say that?

Slaves are not allowed in Paradise! Glory to Ukraine!

5 March

Another day, new challenges, someone in this world is still afraid of the third world war, while others are fighting for this whole world...

Five blank sheets are left...

9 March

We are relatively safe...

I don’t know what stage I am in: denial, acceptance or bargaining... I feel like I went through them all at once, and then again and again...

A six-year-old girl died of thirst in Mariupol. Her mother was killed by direct hit from Grad rocket launcher...

An 18-month-old boy died, an ambulance was fired at, the Red Cross, and a crater from a rocket near the church is seven meters deep...

Some wounded people and dead bodies on the streets cannot be collected because of shelling...

I cannot get through to my relatives and best friends just to hear, “We are alive”... My residential district is just a scorched earth, as well as all my plans before the war...

Sleep well, NATO, while our children protect you at the cost of their lives....

I know that everything will be fine, and I have four sheets left in my sketchbook...

10 March

For now, all my closest contacts from the phone contact list in Mariupol are still out of range.... There are no words, “I am alive!”...

Meanwhile, another maternity hospital and a children’s clinic in Mariupol were fired at with rockets yesterday...

The first collective grave appeared in Mariupol...

No one can count the victims and help the wounded because of constant shelling...

The city is not on the verge of a humanitarian catastrophe. It already has a humanitarian catastrophe... The biggest one since the Second World War...

That is a very high price to pay for freedom, and our children pay it every day!

I have three sheets left...

11 March

Studies will be resumed from the next week... I am safe, and I could do it online... But there are no students...

Almost all my students have been left without water, electricity, heating, and food in the city... In the city that was shelled for 16 hours without a break yesterday! In the district where no one drives a car anymore... I don’t know who of my students or colleagues is alive!

We were ready for the war, we were waiting for it, we were living amidst it for eight years, but we were not ready...

We were not ready for the deliberate, cynical annihilation, killing of children, women, the injured and just the civilian population. This is not a war – this is a crime against humanity and the deliberate genocide of Ukrainians.

And the whole world is watching it excitedly...

I have only rage and two clean sketchbook sheets left...

12 March

To be honest, when I am pitied now, I feel guilty and feel a big lump in my throat.

Yes, I do not know if my house is still standing there. My child was staying in the basement under Grad MLRS shelling. I do not have even some bed clothing, pillows, almost no spare clothes, and no clarity at all regarding my earnings in the future. I do not feel 100 percent safe because I wake up from the air raid siren.

Yes, for the second time in my life, I am leaving my home, not knowing if I will return.

Yes, I am worried about the people dear to me, who are in hell now...

Yes, I am torn to pieces when I see how my city is razed to the ground.

But my child and I are relatively safe. I have something to eat and for now, I have a place where to live.

In principle, I am a stress-resistant person (to a certain extent) and a big girl who knows that everything will be fine and knows how to solve problems.

And I feel embarrassed because all this is such a trifle compared to what residents of my city experience who are still there... Under fire for 16 hours in a row, without food, without water, with the threat of death, singing songs in the bomb shelter!

All my posts about Mariupol are for people to know what is going on there... To support my city, not me.

P.S. I have one blank sheet left in my sketchbook... As you asked, today I am going to draw the victory!

13 March

I will not say that everything will be fine... Everyone who can hold on does this even without saying it. I just know that there will be the victory, and we need to build that world anew, for our children, together with our children...

I know how I will hug everyone when the victory is achieved and when we return home, everyone who was involved. Get ready for it!

And we have no choice, but just to move forward!

Everything will be Ukraine...

P.S. That was the last blank sheet... I am drawing the victory, as promised... Real soon.

17 March

After yesterday, I remembered that I also have the sketchbook cover page and the victory should definitely be there...

From today, I will be drawing only the victory, drawing with whatever I have... Because I still don’t have any paints:(

But there will be everything, and everything will be Ukraine!

30 March

Yesterday I received the news that two more prominent Mariupol residents are gone. What bright ideas, how much they did for children, how many projects done together... They loved life, I was sure they would survive...

Until yesterday, there was hope for at least bad telephone connection. Yesterday, I painfully realized that the longer the subscriber is out of range, the more likely it is forever...

Unfortunately, I know that this is not the last bad news. Asya and Denys Biglyarov, without you the city will not be the same.

31 March

When drawings live their own lives. Photo from the bomb shelter where the posters with my drawings are now. The feeling is that I do something not in vain...

9 April. The heart of the sea

Mariupol is the heart of the sea that will be beating again...

P.S. After the victory, I will get myself a tattoo and I know exactly which one

9 April

The pulse of my city...

Mariupol is the heart of the Azov Sea, the heart that will be beating again...

11 April

Every time I find out that someone from my personal contacts, acquaintances or friends from Mariupol will remain out of calling range forever, I draw one candle... It is just for someone I knew personally...