"I won’t forgive them for my praying mother sitting on an apple cart!"

Serhiy Sotnychenko, a Ukrainian filmmaker, spent a month under shelling in Irpin town. All this time the town was on fire and kept turning into ruins. Serhiy’s house was the only house on their street that remained intact. Then, without waiting for the “green corridor”, he put his elderly mother on a garden cart and fled from the besieged town. He told the Museum of Civilian Voices his story and shared some footage of shelling from his personal archive.

I didn’t even believe it. I thought that my folks were just joking. Well, we were filming... We were filming and that is why our equipment remained on the shooting set. We were going to continue filming the next day, as the location did not change. We left the main part of the equipment so as not to transport it twice. I woke up at 04:30 in the morning, as I had to go to work. While I was getting dressed, they said to me, “Have you heard it? Maybe we won’t go to work?” “What do you mean we won’t go to work?” We thought they were joking. “Okay, stop joking, let’s get ready and go to work.”

That all was until I went out to the balcony with a cup of coffee to have a smoke, and a [military] unit was blown up or attacked right before my eyes. I was in Brovary at that time. Such a strong explosion thundered that I was thrown from the balcony back into the room. I saw such a huge explosion – the fifth floor. Some military unit was blown up. I thought that the explosion was at Desna [military training unit]. Maybe it was Desna indeed, as it was in that direction. I ran in a panic, and at that time the producer was already up and messaged us:

I quickly packed up and went to Irpin. I thought that according to all the laws, the Russians would be coming along the highway from Chernihiv to Kyiv. I could not even think that they would go through Hostomel. Well, when I came home and this scenario began developing in Hostomel – when helicopters flew in, I realized that it was probably a mistake, that they probably just made some minor manoeuvre, as that side was thoroughly covered, well, by air defence, and that was perhaps some sort of a deceptive manoeuvre. But then I realized that it was more logical for them to go through Chernobyl, as Chernobyl is four kilometres from Belarus, and the distance from Chernobyl to us is 30 kilometres, and from us to Kyiv – 20 kilometres. There is the Hostomel airfield.

When the helicopters made a raid in the afternoon and when those helicopters started striking at houses, my sister was in Hostomel then. My sister screamed in horror, saying that the helicopters were firing at our houses. I thought it was a mistake. Right at that time, Serhiy and my children packed up and got in the car to leave. But since they came from Kyiv earlier, they were basically already packed up and ready to head off. Well, three families stayed at my place, because they kind of thought it would pass by, thought it would escape us.

From my balcony, I heard it and I saw the flares. I heard that our military were standing here, and Russians were standing there, because they the Ukrainian military were shooting from here in that direction.

The second day I have such a feeling… I don’t know, I’m not a politician, not a military man. Then I thought it was right. But now I understand that it is wrong that the second bridge was blown up, the second bridge was destroyed, the one across Novoirpinska highway.

Novoirpinska highway is only on the new maps. It is not shown on the old maps. The Russians probably followed the old maps. They moved bypassing Hostomel and Vyshgorod, this was their direction. As soon as the second bridge was blown up, they took up a position in Stoyanka. They did not go to Romanivka, but got entrenched in Stoyanka, and they were holding this highway. As soon as the second bridge was blown up, the bridge near Romanivka, they realized that there was another road to Kyiv.

They went along this route. And there is another, even shorter one, as it is only four kilometres. So they started making their way to this highway, the Kadyrov soldiers, who were earlier counter-attacked in Bucha. Bypassing Irpin from behind, they moved to that Novoirpinska highway.

At that time, our third bridge was blown up, because the Kadyrov troops moved on through Yablunka, on that side. The battles were fierce, terrible fighting, but our area  turned out to be somewhat away from them. Most of all, the new buildings were damaged, all those newly built residential blocks, which were built over the past eight years. The ones Irpin was so proud about – nice and beautiful buildings.

And the ones that were galling at the same time, as the area turned out to be densely built up. Well, here we can thank our real estate developers for breaking all the rules, because the houses were burning one by one, as the [construction] rules were violated and the buildings were located back to back – the fire kept spreading, because the Russians began to use those phosphorus cluster bombs. The houses were on fire from the bottom to the top. The shooting was just fierce.

A house right across the road, some 20 metres away, burned down before my eyes, when the bomb hit only one apartment. A shell flew into the 9th floor, in the outermost apartment, and I thought that it would remain like that. But then I saw the fire through the cracks, through the bricks on the third floor, by some miracle, and on some other floors, and in one day, the house burned out completely. 

The first destruction was caused by a missile. An airplane, a jet plane. Well, first its engine roars. A jet plane, which flies at a low altitude, is certainly a specific experience... Well, in the past Ruslan plane flew above our house, and we got used to this.

The distance from where I was to that house was probably some 300 meters. This is the district where Pchelka is, well, about 300 meters. The house exploded, it was blown up. The strike was very strong. It flew by and I did not understand what it was. I was taken aback for a second, and I heard that it was coming again. That’s when I fell to the floor, and it launched the second rocket, which hit the neighbouring house behind our fence.

When the first air strike happened, there were some people in the house, in the basement. There was one casualty, well, one person died at the first missile strike. During the second missile attack, no one was injured or killed because there were no people there, people moved out.

I think we had been staying without electricity, water and heat for a week. I finally took the risk of lighting up the fireplace. Well, because I knew it is the war, smoke from the chimney… it’s a dangerous thing as it could be shot at. So I didn’t light a fire until 8 March.

But on 8 March, I turned a blind eye to it. Early in the morning, while there was no one around, and since some car tires were burning nearby, I decided to light the fire under the guise of that smoke. I lit the fire and heated some water. I heated water and gave everyone tea to drink. I had three people still living at my place then. I poured just some hot water for my mother. I entered her room and found her rugged up: mittens on, a hat… One hat and another hat. She looked bulky because of that.

I congratulated her on the 8th of March (Women’s Day) and wished her happiness. She said, “You know, this is the best gift I’ve ever received.” And she didn’t drink this tea, but held the cup to warm her hands. She slightly touched the cup with her lips.

There was no corridor (green corridor) for about ten days and we kept staying for the night there. A neighbour’s house was damaged by bombing, and I found this potbelly stove there. Finally, we could have a proper fire. We also had some food and water in stock, enough for another week. I set up a potbelly stove – it was warm, and we could have stayed on there, but you know, some kind of gut feeling worked. When you are among people, you feel that there is life. But when you remain alone in a desert, you understand that there is no life.

This is some kind of a state, like in open space, when you are inside a spaceship. This is some kind of protection for you. And when you are in a spacesuit outside and the spaceship is nearby, then you have no protection, you become alone in the midst of all this.

And for me, when there were still some buildings close by, it somehow spirited me up.

But when they began to collapse one by one and the last three houses remained, which protected us from direct Russian attacks, and I saw that they were on fire, and that only my house remained standing intact... It is a white-colour building with green roof. Some of the windows were broken, but that fate escaped it somehow. It was left alone and I thought that purely statistically it would most likely be a goner. Because the whole residential block, residential neighbourhood – that was not two houses, that was a residential area around my house, so the whole area was affected (one could see it coming… there was a four-day tank battle), and our house was in the middle. Well, there are two tanks and you are in the middle. There is nowhere to go, and we are in the middle.

Well, I had been holding my ground for 25 days and could probably hold it out, but this situation was just unbearable. The humming noise was constant, from 8 o’clock in the morning till 10 in the evening. Explosions cause a constant rumble, incessant one. It was not like some booming at intervals. It was boom-boom-boom-boom all the time. You cannot see the stars in the sky because of the smoke and the houses are on fire.

So when the last three houses collapsed, I got cold feet, to be honest. I came and my mother did not want to go. She said, “Go alone, go on your own and I will hold out here.” I said, “No, no!” She replied, “Get me some firewood, stock up some food and leave.” – “No, no, no,” I replied. Well, I forced her to collect the documents, although she resisted it, but then she gave up a bit – she agreed to collect some documents, pack up some belongings, even her housecoat. She was not going to leave. I saw that she did it all just for appearance’s sake, just to meet my request, while she did not even collect all the documents. And I realized that she did it for me, to calm me down. And she probably did not even think that I would come at 4 o’clock in the morning and put her on a cart.

Well, I came in and said, “Let’s go.” And she answered again, “Well, but how? How about the chicken and…” I said, “No, let’s go.” I put her on the cart as she could not walk. And once she sat down, she could not get up then. I took the cart and we went off. I will not forgive them for my mother sitting on an apple cart like that, at her age of 77 years old! You know, old women speak not the way we speak. We speak in a normal, sound voice. She spoke like this, in a chanting voice, and she was praying.

I saw explosions, I saw unexploded shells, fallen trees, and I heard the nightingales singing…

I saw explosions, I saw unexploded shells, fallen trees, and I heard the nightingales singing… So I was running with the cart, rolling it over pits and bumps, while my mother was praying. And by the way, I was running in vain, as there was no [green] corridor.

Our checkpoints destroyed by the enemy... This also mattered because I realized that a checkpoint was here yesterday, but now it was gone. I ran past them, ran on and met a lonely man who hid there. He came out and said, “Don’t go there.” I asked, “Where shall I go? How can I get out of here?” He said, “Go via Romanivka.” I asked, “Is it controlled by us?” His answer was, “It is, in part.” I asked, “How can I get through? Where are the Kadyrov troops?” – “Kadyrov soldiers are near the railway crossing and Tsentralnyi Residential Block.” I asked, “How can I get through the railway crossing?” And he replied, “It is under our control by half” – “What do you mean? I don’t know. Can I bypass on the right or on the left? What do you mean under our control by half?” We ran on. He said, “Wait, we’ll find volunteers there, some 400 meters away.” We ran on and waited there. We kept waiting. There were no volunteers seen. Shellfire started and shells were flying by, while we were still waiting.

Fortunately, we came across our soldiers there, who were driving a pickup car. I said, “We need to get there.” A soldier helped us get in the car, which was riddled all over. He covered us with bulletproof vests, gave me an assault rifle to be held out of the window, and we drove across the railway crossing at full speed. He dropped us off and said, “Run, but don’t run along this road and not this one – run here and here, that way.” It’s good that I’m a local guy and I know every corner in Irpin. So I rushed off again, with my mother, along some peripheral routes. He drove back across the railway crossing.

We heard the shelling, shooting and bombs again... And when we made it there, we saw a lot of cars left by their owners. We were making our way while hiding behind the cars. Snipers, a well-known story. We went past some unexploded Grad MLRS rockets. I noticed a drone flying above us. I realized the risk, because when we were still at home and a drone was flying, it was a dangerous thing.

One could tell by my orange cap, well, that civilian people still lived there.

But as it turned out, when a drone flies… I went to the forest to get some firewood for cooking food, as we had no electricity, no gas, and no water – there was nothing, nothing at all, but we had to cook something. I realized that I was being shot at with the help of that flying device. I went to the forest and suddenly I heard some whistling sound. I lay down and some mines [landed]. I dropped everything and started running away.

I ran behind the house and saw that mines flew behind the house. I rushed to the cellar and mines hit the cellar. I realized that they used that device for observation, for watching, and not always those were our drones. So when a drone appeared now, there were still 30 meters to the bridge. My mother walked slowly and we had no cart anymore, but just a walking stick. Well, it was dangerous. In additions, there could be snipers shooting. But, thank goodness, we made it.

I said, “You will do it.” And when we went down under the bridge, she said, “Yes, I did it.” I answered, “No, not yet.” And then we saw this pathway across the river. It was the most difficult thing for her as she is an old woman. That drone turned out to be a drone of some volunteers. When we were out on the pathway, she was shaking and I held her leaned on me. I noticed some young man and woman coming down to help us, and there was a car nearby.

This was our escape. I will never forgive them [the Russians], just never, for what I have told you. And not for myself, but for my mother. I’ve never heard people pray like that. It was not a howling, it wasn’t a pleading, it wasn’t a begging in order to get something. It was a quiet, quiet screaming. She was kind of whispering, the nightingales were singing, and the mines were heard in the background. That was the sound mix...

Well, I am a sensitive person. I faced all this mix-up... This was such a mess. It was such an explosive mishmash. It could drive anyone crazy. And I will not forgive the Russians. Defencelessness. Well, even some moral defencelessness, the inability to defend ourselves in this situation. They fight and they solve their problems, one and another...

It was this feeling of defencelessness that was killing me the most. I think that the most galling thing was…, I don’t mean a machine gun or something else, the most galling thing was some kind of radio defencelessness.

I mean I turned on the radio in the car from time to time. There was a little gasoline still left. I turned on the radio as I needed information about here, what would happen tomorrow, and I heard the radio presenters, actors. I hated our actors who sit [at the radio station] and voice some grand rhetoric. I understand that this was necessary. I myself am a mass media worker and I understand that this was necessary for the general public, general audience, but I didn’t need it then. I wanted to stand up and say, “Have you moved those guys a little bit or have you not moved them? There is no, zero information. We have zero hope, zero security, complete zero.”

I think that after this we will not be normal us again. I think it will have its impact. This is an impact for a long time. You know, there is a railway station here in Khmelnytskyi, where the railway cars rumble. Today I fell on the ground in front of everyone, when the railway cars were coupled.

I am afraid to see that my house is destroyed. I hope to the last that it is not destroyed.

Literally the day before yesterday, I got information that my neighbour was killed. It was a neighbour behind the fence, with whom I talked when we were under shellfire. We went through those times together. It was such a shock for me. It was a fatal bullet wound. We talked to each other through the fence all the time during the shelling attacks. We discussed things, we hid, and exchanged information when a mine flew into his yard. I called at his house and tried to find a potbelly stove, because it was very cold. I went into his cellar and found a note saying that he went to his sister. He asked me to call him and he would tell me where the keys were. Well, I mean, we kept in touch as good neighbours and exchanged useful information, like where to get something. When I could not contact him for four days, I began to worry. When the bombing started, I left and now I found out that he was killed, he was taken away. When I learned about this, it was a cold shower for me.

Yes, in some corner of my mind I was ready for the fact that we could be killed. I could be killed too. By the way, you saw the video where I basically bade farewell, because the bombing was so strong that I didn’t know what would happen in five minutes. I was ready for this, but when I actually heard it, it turned out that I was completely unprepared. I very much fear that I am not ready to see my house destroyed.

I think that we still need to come back somehow.