‘When I start singing, it helps me’

We used to farm the field when my husband was alive. Now, we do not plough it. Everything is in weeds. There is nothing, only sand has remained. We planted potatoes, but I did not get any harvest.

The street has emptied out, there are no people. I am here alone and my neighbour is here too. Although the shop is close by. I only have a daughter. She went to pay the electricity bill today. They live separately.

My brother lives in Khartsyzsk and I don’t know his address. I have three children. One daughter is here. I also have a son Mykola. But we don’t know where my third daughter is. She was in Donetsk, but then somebody told us that she allegedly was in Sevastopil. We don’t know.

When there was a heavy shelling, we all lay down in the veranda. It was a heavy shellfire. My son has two kids. They were two and five years old then. The children were crying bitterly. They were scared. Especially the one who was five years old. The younger one did not understand anything. We hid her behind us, covered her. It was in February 2014.

My son woke up, went outside and started crying. I got up and came out. He was crying. ‘Mykola, why are you crying?’ ‘Mom,’ he said, ‘people called and said your house was on fire, your apartment was on fire.’ There was not any vehicle. It took him some time to find a vehicle, Gazel. They agreed with a driver. When he came there, he was told that there was nothing left to extinguish. A fire engine came from Volnovakha, and they said there was nothing to extinguish. It all burned down.

I didn’t sleep that night. Shelling was raging and I was hiding in the room, moving from one corner into other. It was going as a huge wave, as if the shelling was right behind my house. First, it was stuttering like tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-ru, and then bang-bang! An explosion thundered at the top of the hill.

I had a huge stress and could not speak. When I was rushing out of the cellar, I broke my leg. It is difficult to walk for me now. The shelling is strong. It is less often now, but it still causes strong fear because I had huge stress previously. The doctors saved me. All parts of my body were getting numb. I myself did not know what was wrong with me. I was speechless during two weeks. They made me some injections and my speaking ability returned. I don’t know why it happened so. I could not speak; I was just making gestures with my hands. I was opening my mouth, but could not utter anything. They said it was because of huge stress. It blocked my speech.

I was constantly hiding in the cellar alone. My neighbour could join me from time to time. And when a strong explosion was going through my yard, I opened the door in the cellar. I wanted to go out, but something was falling down in my yard, something like hail. When I went out later, I picked those pieces, shell fragments, here and brought them to my neighbour. I was very scared then.

I go out, sit down and that’s it. And so, I just sit. I sit till the evening, till nine p.m. I sing ditties, I sing some songs, and I sing in Greek.

[Sings in Greek language].

We have very plaintive songs.

Here I am telling you:

You are looking at me,

You are dressed in black.

No matter how much you look at me

Anyway, you are the same as you were.

We used to compose Greek songs and ditties. It occupies your mind and prevents bad thoughts. It helps me when I sing. I forget everything and sit calm. And when I sit silently, I have big fears – and so I start to sing something.

Come to visit me, my children! I will be glad to see you and to treat you any time.