WEBVTT - Made with VTT Creator 00:05.442 --> 00:23.584 position:50% align:middle The war started especially hard for us, because on that day my 9-month-old son fell ill. He was crying all day, didn't want to eat anything, kept asking to be held, and was lethargic and moody. And here you are worried yourself, 00:23.584 --> 00:42.442 position:50% align:middle you don't know what to do, what awaits you. You hear explosions and constantly read the news feed. I thought that he was just passing on my feelings and the panic that was in the family. It's passed on in the mother's milk, the children absorb it all. 00:42.442 --> 00:58.201 position:50% align:middle But then he got worse and worse, and he started to vomit, he couldn't even cry in the evening out of powerlessness. And they announced a curfew. There were literally only a few minutes left before my husband 00:58.201 --> 01:14.415 position:50% align:middle and I realised that we had to take the child to the hospital immediately or something could happen. We got in the car and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, the doctors saw the child and told us that she was completely dehydrated 01:14.415 --> 01:25.940 position:50% align:middle and that they needed to start treatment immediately, that I had to be hospitalised immediately. I was very worried about my husband, that he would have time to come back, because the curfew was very strict and there were only a few minutes left. 01:25.940 --> 01:39.118 position:50% align:middle They took the child to the manipulation room. I can't tell you how I felt at that moment. The child was crying. Or rather, not crying. He screamed despite the fact that he had no strength. They pricked his arm, and immediately the doctors 01:39.118 --> 01:49.094 position:50% align:middle were talking to each other about the war and what would happen next. That the man was stuck somewhere, that there was some kind of explosion and the plane went down. They were talking about the war and at the same time doing all 01:49.094 --> 02:03.918 position:50% align:middle these manipulations with the baby, and I couldn't find a place to sit. All my hands were pricked, I couldn't get into a vein. This was due to severe dehydration, and the doctors were in a panic. No matter how it sounds, 02:03.918 --> 02:17.653 position:50% align:middle the doctors had already adapted to the war, and then everyone was acting under stress. The beginning of the war. We hear explosions outside the window. They are talking about the siren, saying that we need to go down to the shelter, 02:17.653 --> 02:31.296 position:50% align:middle and here we need to insert a drip, and nothing is ready to do these life-saving manipulations for my baby somewhere else. It was very difficult. Between all these manipulations and injections, we had to go down to the shelter. 02:31.296 --> 02:46.838 position:50% align:middle We went up only to take tests, or to pick up the tests, or to talk to the doctor. There, in the shelter, the doctor examined the children. There were other mothers with small children. One of them was a 3-month-old boy, the other one was running around, 02:46.838 --> 03:01.205 position:50% align:middle about 2 years old. They looked exactly the same. There were about 6 of us mothers with children with different illnesses, which was also scary because some of us had infectious diseases, but we all went down and stayed in the same shelter because it was very dangerous to stay upstairs. 03:01.205 --> 03:17.959 position:50% align:middle I remember asking the doctor when we could go home. As soon as possible and when the baby gets better, because at such times I especially wanted to be close to my family. And when the doctor let us go home, I was so relieved and happy to be back in my own apartment! 03:17.959 --> 03:36.692 position:50% align:middle It seemed to me that this was the only place where I could feel safe. My own walls, which both heal and protect me. But when we woke up the next morning because we were woken up by a terrible explosion, I realised that even within my own walls I could no longer feel safe. 03:36.692 --> 03:52.599 position:50% align:middle I will never forget that powerful explosion. I thought I heard bricks falling, I heard plaster crumbling. I thought something fell on my head. And there was a burning smell, dust. I could not understand anything. I definitely felt that it had flown right into our house. 03:52.599 --> 04:44.275 position:50% align:middle We took the child. My husband tried to hug me, bend me and press me to the floor. But when we felt that there was no more explosion, I quietly went to the window to see what was happening outside and managed to take a photo. 04:44.275 --> 05:08.635 position:50% align:middle I saw a 25-storey building opposite us, with a hole in the middle and smoke coming out of it. I realised that this house opposite, 30-40 metres away, was completely damaged. There is not a single military facility near our house, and on 26 February, 05:08.635 --> 05:26.938 position:50% align:middle this house became the first residential building to be hit by a missile in Kyiv. The first peaceful house. When we were outside on the way to the shelter, we saw our house, and I realised that it didn't seem like bricks were falling. 05:26.938 --> 05:44.787 position:50% align:middle The apartments around our house were completely damaged. There were no walls, no windows. I could not believe that our apartment had survived. We were simply saved by God, and perhaps my 9-month-old son is blessed to have been saved. He became our bodyguard. 05:44.787 --> 06:07.053 position:50% align:middle The room that was hit by the rocket fragments was a children's room. But on the night before the explosion, we wanted to be safe, and everyone said that we should not sleep near the windows. So, we deliberately moved to another room. 06:07.053 --> 06:22.668 position:50% align:middle When our apartment was damaged by a rocket, my husband came to me and said that we had to move on. For the first time in my life, I began to feel dangerous even within my own walls. And with a child, in conditions when you can't switch on the lights, 06:22.668 --> 06:40.843 position:50% align:middle when you have to run to the shelter all the time - it's very hard. I am so tired! Before the war, my husband and I were always talking about staying in Kyiv, that we were needed here, that this was our city. But when such a disaster happened, 06:40.843 --> 07:00.322 position:50% align:middle my husband and I decided that we had to leave Kyiv by any means necessary. At that time, it was very difficult to do so. The news was broadcasting, and all my friends were telling me that all the roads were dangerous, they were being shot at, bridges were blown up. 07:00.322 --> 07:13.921 position:50% align:middle So, the journey from Kyiv, especially with a small child in my arms, was so dangerous and scary that I didn't even know how to do it. I learnt from the internet that it would be safer to travel by Ukrzaliznytsia at that time. Having a car, 07:13.921 --> 07:31.277 position:50% align:middle we left everything behind and went to the railway station anyway. I think the station had never seen so many people. Even on the way to the station, the crowd was so big that I didn't know how I could walk through with my child in my arms. At the train station, 07:31.277 --> 07:49.893 position:50% align:middle we decided to leave the stroller behind, not to take it with us, because it was already clear that it was very difficult to move around with extra things, and besides, any extra thing cost the life of one person, because one bag physically took up a place on the train that 07:49.893 --> 08:19.569 position:50% align:middle could be claimed by another person. The train was already literally starting to move, and I was literally getting on as I went. When I got on the train, I wiped my tears, exhaled and dialled my husband. And those seconds when he didn't pick up the phone seemed like an eternity to me, 08:19.569 --> 08:33.652 position:50% align:middle because I was so afraid: what if something happened and he didn't get on that train! We seemed to understand each other, but what if... Then he picked up the phone and said he was on the train. When we had settled down a bit in Lviv, 08:33.652 --> 08:53.930 position:50% align:middle the baby calmed down a bit and we settled down, unfortunately, the missile caught up with us in Lviv again. On 26 February, a rocket hit our house in Kyiv, and on 26 March, there were explosions in Lviv again. They were so powerful, 08:53.930 --> 09:08.043 position:50% align:middle and I just didn't know that I would have to go through that. It was as if we had fled to a safe part of the country, to the West, where it was at least a little calmer. I didn't know that I would have to feel and hear it again there. This time, 09:08.043 --> 09:22.853 position:50% align:middle the baby started crying a lot because we had just put her down, I just took a few steps away from the bed and started hearing explosions. When the missile came and caught up with us again in Lviv, my husband came up and said: 09:22.853 --> 09:39.762 position:50% align:middle ‘That's it, I'll feel better about bringing victory closer here when I know that you and your son are safe.’ He called his friends in Germany late in the evening and asked if there was any way we could come, if there was any shelter we could go to. 09:39.762 --> 09:59.616 position:50% align:middle When I put the baby to bed, I started packing. Again, I packed the same backpacks, the same essentials, but this time for another country. We are very grateful to Germany. They help and accept us very well here, but all our thoughts are with Ukraine, 09:59.616 --> 10:17.720 position:50% align:middle with our native Kyiv, and we are constantly counting the seconds and moments when we will see our family and when we will be home. Even that windowless apartment is still my apartment, where I want to be. I remember when my father came to show me the house, 10:17.720 --> 10:38.564 position:50% align:middle when Kyiv region was liberated from the occupation. He came and turned on a video link for me. I had never cried so much when I saw my own pots, my own crib, my own door. And this broken window seemed like an absolute trifle, 10:38.564 --> 10:54.358 position:50% align:middle because you realised that we were alive, we were close, and the price that Ukraine is paying for our freedom, our independence, our borders, the integrity of our state is enormous, and each of us felt it in one way or another. 10:54.358 --> 11:13.654 position:50% align:middle Some people lost their relatives, some lost their property, some lost their future. Because we were making plans, someone had to go to work. It is very difficult. But even here in Germany, I live Ukraine every day. I think that for all of us, 11:13.654 --> 11:28.098 position:50% align:middle 24 February was one terrible day that hasn't ended yet. I'm still waiting for the victory to be declared and for us to return to a peaceful and calm Kyiv. 11:28.098 --> 11:38.182 position:50% align:middle And my child will go to a Ukrainian kindergarten, and will hear the Ukrainian language, and will communicate and make friends with Ukrainian children.